The Bitch and the Bully

When I entered middle school, I found myself in a war zone. I was immediately targeted for teasing. I didn’t really understand why or how it started, I just know a new girl rolled into my class and picked me to start harassing all day, every day. 

It grew to a point that I would pretend to be sick or just cry hysterically every morning in hopes I didn’t have to go to school, but every day, I was dropped off to experience my own form of torture. Days upon days of turning bright red, sweating profusely and crying in bathroom stalls. My mom had enough and told me to defend myself. She told me to turn their insults back on them. To not cower but to fight back. 

I did. But it didn’t go as planned. When the “new girl” hurled an insult at me, I hurled one back. She was taken aback. I thought, “it worked!” It didn’t. 

Immediately the next day, I had a new label aside from nerd, dork, geek and ugly. It was not one I was expecting: BITCH. I was picked on further, but only to say how nasty and mean I was. It was so confusing. How could I be the mean one when I was just standing up to those that had been abusing me for months?

Thankfully, all of the teasing stopped when I went to high school and this girl went elsewhere. I never saw her again. Funny story? She added me on all social media a few years ago. I didn’t return the favor. 

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Thirty Something.

This past weekend I turned thirty___.
At this point in my life, I feel like I actually have learned quite a few things (I often don’t feel any wiser).

  • Speak up, don’t stay quiet.
    • When I was younger (i.e., just a couple of months ago), I was very meek. And quiet. I let things slide. I have realized that in order to get what you want and make your voice heard, you need to use it. This often gets women labeled “a bitch,” but I will gladly take that title if it means I have an opinion, a stance and can defend myself.
  • There is no timeline for anything. Live your life at your pace.
    • I’m not sure if this is the case with other cultures, but I know for the Hispanic culture, we are often pressured to do x by x age. That is sure to be the death of you. Don’t let anyone dictate your journey or what you should be doing while you are on it. You don’t have to do anything. Knowing this has been so liberating. I am no longer part of the flock, which is a perfect seque into the next lesson…
  • BE YOURSELF. Don’t try to conform for anyone.
    • A lot of times we are forced into certain little boxes of how we should act and be. That is nonsense. Be yourself and you will see a difference. I would often hide the true me, but now I embrace it. It has brought me so much positivity and love. I feel more at peace that I am being true to myself and do not feel the need to change for anyone.
  • Do what makes you happy. Put YOU first.
    • This is something that I have known for quite some time, but it made itself known again this year. Do not feel like you are stuck. You have the power to change anything and everything. I just did recently, and I feel like a brand new person. Don’t wait to be happy or just settle. You are better than that. Your soul will thank you.
  • Surround yourself with people that get it.
    • This also may be an obvious one, but it really isn’t. You don’t HAVE to spend time with people you do not like or do not bring something to your life. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore, and I think that prompted me to really think about who I was giving that precious time to. I have surrounded myself with a bunch of amazing people that are supportive, intelligent and make me want to be better. Tightening my social circle has made a world of a difference.

 

And finally, my own personal quote for this year:

If you listen to people, you won’t live.” – Taraji P. Henson

Life with Luna: Selfish Mama’s

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Luna is 19 months and inching closer and closer to two. Two. How is this happening and how did we get here? It’s both so exciting to see her grow and learn, and so heart wrenching how quickly time has passed. She has definite interests (Mickey Mouse, Elena of Avalor, PJ Masks and My Little Pony), and a budding personality (fierce, but loving), and is finally(!!!) starting to speak. As she has evolved, so have I. I used to be worried about having a child because I was always very selfish. I was the baby of the family and always very coddled. I was never taught anything otherwise.

Tank; Old Navy
Pants; Uniqlo {similar}
Sunglasses; Cat + Jack
Sneakers; Converse

Funny thing is, I have realized that although someone now comes before me always, and I do it without thinking twice, I need to be more selfish than ever. Huh? Well you see, I have to think about what kind of mother I will be to my child. I have to think about me and what my needs are to be the best mom I can be for Luna, because if I don’t feel right, I cannot be 100% there for my child. This new form of selfish has been something that I have found very difficult to tune into. Life often gets in the way, as do emotions. You often feel trapped into doing things that seem pre-packaged as what you “have to do,” but only create barriers. I am working on honing in on what I need to make myself a better person, a better mother, because I feel like everything is moving so fast, and I am missing so much.

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Working mama’s: how do you cope with seeing things fly by at rapid speeds?

Turn That Frown Upside Down

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Life has its way of really throwing you some curve balls. Sometimes, life decides it’s going to throw you 50 all at once. Because you can handle it, right? For moments like these, I’ve compiled a list of ways to turn that seemingly perpetual frown, upside down.

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1. Exercise.

I know. I hate it too, girlfriend. But if there is something working out does, it relieves stress. Blogilates and Tone it Up are my two favorite (+ free) YouTube channels that help me get in shape when I need it. I can feel summer’s hot breath on my back, so it does me well to get back on track with my fitness.

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Life with Luna: 2017

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Before my very eyes, Luna is turning into a toddler. She is really perfecting her balance and speed while walking, and is {finally} starting to imitate words, such as Papa, up, agua + Aba (her grandma).  You may notice one of those words is not Mama, but I digress…{hrmph}.

It’s really hard to wrap my head around this rapid passing of time on most days. I still remember the moment of her birth clearly, and when I see us well on the way to being half way to 2, it can do a number on my heart. Time can do this.

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Onesie; c/o Younglings NYC
Jeans; Target {no longer available}
Boots; c/o Bobux
Sunglasses; Baby Gap {similar}
Bracelet; Pura Vida

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